this is my little corner in the universe

meaningful clutter

2007-05-24T00:16:00.000-07:00

sweet saccharine

2007-05-24T00:11:00.000-07:00

avid liongoren's Not the Most Poetic of Declarations

election fever

2007-05-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

the elections is on the Monday and I still haven’t completed my list of candidates to vote for. this will be the third time that I’m voting. the first one was for the SK in 2000, the second was during the 2004 presidential elections. I do make it a point to vote. I don’t really care what pessimists say about the elections. participating in the elections is still a good thing, no matter how much of a mockery other people make of it. it’s one of those opportunities when you can actually do something good. something good is worth doing. why vote? why not?

im not looking for perfect leaders. im just looking for those who could the job best. and of course, those who are not corrupt. but to be really honest, I’d rather think that all of them are corrupt. it’s less disappointing that way. those who make themselves an exception to this are truly outstanding. may their tribe increase!

I hope most, if not all, registered voters vote on May 14th. that would be a sign of a better, more mature, more responsible citizenship for this country.

*****
elections in the Philippines is no longer about choosing the best. now it’s about choosing the lesser evil. it’s sad and really cynical. this mind frame can still change but it will take some more time and more meaningful experience for the regular juan de la cruz. a change of mind in this country cannot be hastened. a change of heart, maybe, but of mind not so fast. Filipinos are rather emotional, we tend to be biased towards what we feel is right over what we think is right. for juan de la cruz, the heart rules. that’s why he easily falls for a trapo’s sweet, sweet lies. but can we blame him? he’s jobless, his family is hungry and his children are out of school. what chance does he have over the manipulative politician dangling the carrot of a better life on his face? a very slim chance.

** trapo means traditional politician

jeepneys and i

2007-05-11T20:14:00.000-07:00

while other kids thought that riding a bicycle by themselves is the greatest sign of childhood autonomy, mine was to independently ride a jeepney. most of my life is a 60-minute ride from home to a specific destination and vice-versa, in heavy traffic. I have come to appreciate jeepney rides for what they are. they take you from point A to point B and give you a fast view of life in between; making you realize that yours is not the only life there is on this relatively young planet. yours is not the only mind that thinks, not the only heart that beats. somewhere in that life in between that you have passed through traffic and pollution, hearts are broken, stars are chased, love is found. life thrives even in poverty.

countless times before, i board a jeepney confused, disoriented, about to fall apart. in between, the jeepney cradles my silent dreams, hidden fears and secret hopes. a bittersweet battleground of desire and reason. i alight from it with a clear head and a determined heart. myself stitched back together. a ride was all it took. i foresee more rides like these in my life. and I know I’ll get through it whole and well because in each ride, an unseen magnanimous passenger will be there with me.

jeepney rides aren’t the most comfortable rides but life is hardly a comfortable trip. but it’s all worth it in the end.

one for the skeptic

2007-05-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

last song syndrome: restless hearts’ when she cries

current reading: dinner with a perfect stranger by david gregory.

yes, yes, the LSS is brought by watching the bruce-wendy thing on pinoy big brother. the subject of love is a big juicy controversy in the big brother set-up. but the song is good. i really like it. the way i like fra lippo lippi songs.

anyway, my current reading is highly recommended. actually, i enjoyed the book so much, im re-reading it. here’s why: what would you do if you were invited to dinner with a man claiming to be Jesus? the character, nick cominsky, decides to play along thinking the whole thing is a joke cooked up by his friends. yes, he was wrong and had the most astounding, meaningful conversation of his life. he finds it was indeed an invitation worth considering.

the book provides a crash course on comparative religion, philosophy, physics, table manners and on how to keep your cool during a debate. the teacher is no less than the greatest teacher in the history of mankind, Jesus Christ. definitely appealing to the argumentative intellectual skeptics, (isn’t that redundant? intellectuals ARE skeptics.) the kind who dissect everything for viable evidence and refute all statements lacking logic. the most difficult people to persuade. the character is just that. his mind is a hard case to crack. in the end, the conversation hit him all over, mind and heart.

this book could be the cure to your da vinci code-bothered brain, if that means anything to you. the book is just over a hundred pages, really thin and really small. it’s in inconspicuous navy blue. the title itself is not threatening. that’s a relief for those who are foreseeing a potential embarrassing moment getting caught reading a “Jesus book.” though I personally find the source of such embarrassment rather irrational. I mean, get caught with something Jesus related and everybody smirks with “Yeah right!” all over their face. get caught with something porn related and everybody has a heyday. haha

the book only costs 65 pesos at national bookstore since it’s on sale. so go ahead and eavesdrop! let me leave you with some words directly off the book.

“You’re worried about God stealing your fun, but you’ve got it backward. You’re like a kid who doesn’t want to leave for Disney World because he’s having fun making mud pies by the kerb.”

It isn’t mass murder that destroys the world. It’s selfishness, resentment, envy, pride- all the daily sins of the heart.”

what YOU are

2007-05-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

- Get Your Own

hope you got my note

2007-05-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

- Get Your Own

personal favorite

2007-05-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

>> by: e.e. cummings

afterthought: i should have done better

2007-05-01T20:17:00.000-07:00

like water, be peaceful.

like earth, know balance.

like fire, love passionately.

like wind, be free.

missing her dearly

2007-05-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

my niece niea chaz

what makes us?

2007-04-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

the books we read?

the films we view?

the words of our friends?

or all of the above?

love is sadder for mathematics

2007-04-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

mathematics tells us three of the saddest love stories.

tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever.

parallel lines who were never meant to meet.

and asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together.

txt msgs good enough to share

2007-04-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. know a good thing when you see it and don’t let it slip away. if you get a chance, take it. if it changes your life, let it. nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.

**********

like water, be peaceful.
like earth, know balance.
like fire, love passionately.
like wind, be free.

over the weekend

2007-04-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

Manny Pacquiao. world famous boxer. congressional candidate.

he’ll win. definitely.

God help us.

he wants to help his impoverished fellowmen. that’s good. but hasn’t it occurred to him that he can help without entering politics? perhaps nobody suggested that. there are so many ways to help. especially for someone as famous and rich as many pacqiuao.

why can’t he be a philanthropist? it’s a trend nowadays of some of the world’s richest persons and corporations. they build schools, health centers, shelters for the handicapped, the aged and the abused, group homes for runaways, livelihood centers, feeding centers. they advocate for better health, useful research, education, ecological conservation, art and even sports.

why did he choose politics? of all his possible options. why this? with all the mudslinging, character assassination and all the bad stuff. I know that he’s a fighter and he never gives up on any fight. that’s how he won his belts. by fighting and fighting real hard. but the best fighters know and have the humility to retreat when they know that the fight is not for them.

when he becomes congressman, he’ll be dedicating himself to a life of paperwork, bills, debates, endless discussions, and speeches. a life way too far from where he came from. has he no idea how turtle-like our lawmaking system is? that it takes it so long just to pass one single bill? he’ll be disappointed in a lot of ways if he does not know what to expect from that office. if he’s the type who likes it fast, like a killer knock-out punch, he’ll have to be insistent on the microphone laying down the cards before the entire house of scrutinizing lawmakers and the dissecting eye of the press. it would be too bad if he becomes a member of the silent committee in congress. you know, that group of lawmakers who just attend and listen and make the seats warm and not react at all. playing safe. or playing dumb. yeah, they get paid, by people’s taxes at that, just sitting there pretending to understand the whole thing.

manny pacquiao would make a good philanthropist. not a congressman.

impromptu post

2007-04-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

people do NOT like to be reminded of the things they are not proud of.

of course! basic rule in socialization. duh!

i just couldn't understand why some earthlings just don't have enough brains and sensitivity to get that. whoever likes being reminded of how fat they are? of how they screwed up their job? of how messed up their relationship are? of what a sorry state their life is? hello!!!! are you just idiots or are you just heartless?

these people are doing thier damn best to fix their scattered sorry life. please please please don't hold them down. go pick on someone else. if you don't, you might just get your ass crouching-tiger kicked at your next comment.

it isn't just what they say, it's how they say it too. they say it like you owe them an explanation. like they had a right. the nerve!

watch your words as if your very life depends on them. be supportive and encouraging. if you can't say anything like that, don't open your mouth.

*********

i teach.

not because i don't have a choice.

i teach because i choose to.

this is my way of shaping history.

the twilight zone

2007-04-11T02:19:00.000-07:00

im here but not really. they see me but they really don't.

this is the twilight zone.

yesterday, i spent half the day with an unfaithful man. he's in love with a woman who is not his wife. he's suffering from a hurting heart since the woman he loves moved away. far away. because they decided to do the right thing.

i should be appalled. what he did is a mistake. he was wrong. he took for granted the woman he vowed to love until death before God and man. he put his children aside for another woman. i should condemn him for bringing about every loving woman's greatest fear. but i didn't. i didn't cast stones at him. i couldn't.

he's a friend. he's hurting. most of all, he trusted me with his confession. i couldn't get the nerve to condemn him. not when he's in pain. who am i to condemn him anyway? besides, he's doing his best to stand up for his decision to do the right thing. he's doing the best he can to stand up for his wife and his children even though the pain is so great. when he couldn't stop thinking about her. when he couldn't help himself from reliving the memories they had and letting all the love and pain to come flooding into his system everytime. like a deluge drowning him to the core.

who am i to judge him? all he really did was love another soul apart from himself. that's natural. we're people. we are born with the tendency to love embedded in our genes. we are progammed to love. he just loved.

holy week reflections

2007-04-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

who am i?
+casting crowns+

Who am I?
that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I?
that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the windS
till You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours,
I am Yours

Who Am I?
that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I?
that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

*****

indeed, who am i to You that You love me so much?
who am i? that You died for me?
who am I, Lord that You continue to love me even though You are often taken for granted?

who am i?

then again, it's who You are Lord.

You are love.

searching

2007-04-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

im searhing for places where i'd be appreciated for the good that i do. places where i don't have to hold my breath. where i shouldn't be afraid of sharing common spae with my superiors. where i could unleash the creative person in me. where people don't judge you too much of your position. where sucking up is not exactly necessary. where i could get respect because i'm a person. where the powers that be respect the good person i am now and the better person i could still become. i'd like to believe that there are still places around here that are like that.

i hope i'll find that place soon.

rejected but not broken

2007-04-03T03:21:00.000-07:00

out. im out. of my job.

mea culpa. mea culpa. mea culpa.

i screwed up.

but just as i wrote before, if they don't want to take a chance me, that'll be too bad but i won't beg on my knees either.

the surprising truth is, im not even that sorry that im leaving. not that i don't have great memories there nor that i won't be missing the amazing friends i found there. i will forever treasure my awesome experiences and the fabulous people who made my freshmen year in the mentoring side of the academe fantastically great.

but you see, that place wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

they didn't see beyond the mask. they didn't see the unhappiness i brought with me evryday to school.

how could i do my job? i wasn't waking up happy and excited about it. i was just doing what's required of me there. i didn't feel appreciated for giving my best shot either.

for others, inefficiency in thier work makes them unhappy.

for me, my unhapppiness in my work made me inefficient.

now, i look forward to a life better than this. im applying for places that would appreciate me for the efforts i give.

im may have been rejected, but im not broken.

loathing

2007-03-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

anger is a sin. hatred is an unnecessary baggage. accomplishes nothing.

reason and faith tell me that.

but right now, let me... be human, be utterly weak and be utterly sinful...

i loathe you. i loathe you because you just don't care. i don't respect anymore. i hate you down to my freaking bones. i hope your blood freezes from your own coldness. your nothing but a pile of ice. if there is anything meeting you taught me, it's this: i can be anything i can be except become you. i will never allow myself to become like you. i will NEVER forgive myself for becoming a cold heartless block of ice such as yourself.

a little dazed and confused

2007-03-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

i love my work. i really do. no matter what my record say, i love my work. my shortcomings have nothing to do with my passion and commitment to this field. i has nothing to do with that and i don't think it will ever have anything to do with it.

i like where i am now and i desire to stay longer. but the painful truth is, a part of me - a tiny part of my disoriented self, wants to hit the road, leave this place and move on. again, its not the work or my passion for it. its some people inhabiting our little academic sphere. tell me, how can you work well when you don't really feel like you're part of a team? how can you work well when you feel like everybody's watching and hovering over you, waiting for you to fall flat on your face? how can you work when you don't feel like you're trusted?

im a person. human. i need to feel that im appreciated for my hardwork. i need to feel appreciated for my attempt to do an extraordinary job. even though the outcome is not perfect, my heart and my soul were in there. i tried. the saddest part of this is that, this place is supposed to be teeming with personal care and concern along with competence and commitment. it's supposed to be like that. and i believed that. now, i don't know. i guess i have to learn that not everybody feels the same way as i do. basic fact of life that i have lo learn over and over again.

honestly, i feel sad for some people here. they have achieved so much, proven so much, in their efficiency and competence but their hearts are cold. they're indifferent and at times insecure. i feel sad for them. i want to be just like then in their excellence but not what their hearts have become. they even malign those who are below them. i don't want to be like that. i feel sad for them and at the same time, i fear them. just thinking of them makes my limbs tremble.

i learned before that fear is the lowest form of respect that a person in authority could ever get. true enough, i don't respect them enough. but i fear them, down to my bones. how can you respect somebody who does not respect you? how can somebody dare to demand respect when they can't even give that?

you cannot give what you do not have.

don't ask for what you cannot yourself give.

should i stay or should i go? id like to stay if they want me to stay. but if they don't, i won't beg either. it's gonna hurt but i believe that you only lose something good in you life because you're meant for something better.

God help me.

usher in 2007

2007-01-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

the lights went out, the booze ran out, fears were forecast, resolutions have been made. some to be thrown away at the next oppurtunity, some casted on stone for 2007.

1 week later: reality check

we ushered a new year but we still face a same old reality. but i believe that in this new year, fresh hopes and dreams will be served. there is always room for the new. new friends, new ideas, new experiences.

while some will surely usher new dreams. some would be even luckier to feel themselves renewed. renewal is always good. becoming better, doing better.for life is best lived forwards, not backwards. not in the past tense, but in the present.

have a super 2007 everyone!

a dose of inspiration

2006-11-30T00:49:00.000-08:00

if you'll interview God, what would you ask?

what would his answers be?

just click on the link.

view the presentation.

and be inspired.

really...

http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/

just me

2006-10-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

i'm getting hooked to:

A. grey's anatomy

B. kami nAPO muna album (favourite is panalangin)

C. philippine idol. please, please, please vote for gian, pow and mau.

D. high school musical album. got me singing "this feeling's like no other.....

coping still

2006-10-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

it's been ages since i wrote. didn't have the time. correction, i have so many things that take up so much of my time. things that send me to the clouds then make me fall back to the ground. i'm halfway done with the school year. halfway done with test papers, exams, answer sheets, chalk talk, lesson plans, class records, grades, and what not. hah...the life of a teacher!

anyway, i passed the licensure examwhich i took last august. so happy! thankGod! everyone went buzzing when results came out. so happy i passed and everyone i hold dear (who took the exam of course!) passed. the celebration has been nonstop. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

my students, whom i lovingly call my kids, are driving me to the brink of my sanity. they have this supernatural ability to make me happy, mad, confused and concerned all at the same time. God, help me.. i have had meetings with parents, from very-nice-so-understanding ones to the evil and condescending. they honestly believe that their kid is the greatest kid in the world that even raising an eyebrow at them is a crime. it's always the teacher's fault, wether or not their kid even gives a damn to keep his eyes open and listen in class. there is such a thing called EFFORT in school, you know. i know if your kid gives a damn about his lesson and much more his grades. just for the record, he doesn't. i love my kids. i really do. i really, really do. but i acn only do so much.parents have to do their part too.

i'm enjoying my life and my work. i like the people i work with, especially in the grade level i belong to. i'm happy being with the kids. i'm really happy with my life but it would be much happier to have somebody to share the happiness with.

i'm halfway done with the school year. but it's just the beginning of more learning and discovery. i'm halfway done but i'm coping still.

a neophyte's survival guide to the world of work

2006-06-25T00:47:00.000-07:00

this one's for the newbies from a newbie.

yes, you are just dying to plunge into the tasks and responsiblities and what not. you can hardly wait to put your best foot forward and prove your worth. you are just so annoyingly giddy to to fulfill you niche in the workplace. the excitement and the anxiety are just too much to bear and you just want to get it going.

but..

pause for moment and think.. really think.. the work isn't all to it. it's a system that you're getting into. you're the new kid on the block. take some time to know the ways of the natives. you better do so. not for the heck of it but for better chances of survival..

Observe keenly. Open your eyes wide, listen closely, feel the vibes among them. know who's who, that whats, hows and whys. know the institutions, be it structures or people.

KMS (Keep Mouth Shut) a good dose of keeping qiuet is good. it helps you observe better. be careful with your words. you don't want to ruflfe some feathers so early do you? some can be so irritatingly sensitive over the smallest things.

respect. be gentle. be kind. be considerate. listen to advice when they're kind enough to give. thank profusely. make yourself available to them but learn to say "NO" when you know you can no longer accomodate them. take criticism constructively. don't judge. remember: you don't know them that well nor do they know you. judgments can be so harsh yet so inaccurate. beware of those who insist on little fallacies so they can pass on their burden to you. 'you're new and young, play messiah. please..' it's non-sequitor right?

be strong. it won't be easy but it would be worth it.

only the test of fire makes fine steel. pencils have to sharpened painfully. diamonds have to be polished excruciatingly.

be grateful. be careful. strive to be happy.

pardon the surge

2006-06-18T02:24:00.000-07:00

im so tired of explaining to people my choices and decisions. the worst thing is, they don't really listen. or if they do, surprisingly, they just disapprove and refute everything. why can't you just respect them and back off. this is how i want to live my dreams, now move on with your lives!

since when did being happy about your work and finding meaning in what you do considered "settling for less?" when you're happy, you're happy. end of story. even if doesn't fit into the conventional idea of success. read: loads of cold hard cash. i believe richard bach's wife leslie parrish is right. in living, we must deal only in the currency that is meaningful to us. would i gamble my life just to get a million scrunchies? what are scrunchies anyway but stuff without an ounce of meaning to me. the currency i want to deal with is called happiness and meaning. im working for my happiness not just to earn a million pesos. like i could.. (grin..)

people can be so difficult. strangers understand better.

updating

2006-06-18T01:46:00.000-07:00

.............finally! ;-)

im in the real world now! or so we call the world of work. im a teacher now in my beloved university's grade school. i teach third grade language, science and computer. flashback to eight months earlier, i was just an intern there. i've met the kids already and being what they are, i couldn't help liking them at the first encounter. i do feel equipped about the work but some fears and uncertainties are there still. this is for real now.. im still adjusting, blending in to the environment, the workload and the people. they quite nice by the way. i do feel the typical youthful overpowering urge to prove myself a good pick for the job but the only gameplan i have right now is to give it my best shot. i still have so much to learn and im craving to be taught the valuable lessons..such an insatiable hunger for knowldge..this is why i feel that i'd be a student forever; a student in this life-journey. this is why i wanted to teach, to be in a place flowing with ideas, open minds, endless potentials and unlimited possibilities.

>> i still have to take the board exam in august, wish me lots of luck..or better yet, include my success in it in your prayers..;-)

*****

when you have a heart of gratitude, you will always find happiness and happines will always find you.

comin' back

2006-05-08T23:43:00.000-07:00

too many people today are spending cash other people worked so hard for to acquire things they don't really need just to please people they don't even like. what a pity.. i would rather live in the mountains..

*****

assume nothing. expect little. do more. need less. smile often. sleep long. dream big. laugh a lot. pray always. cry once in a while. but continue to live.

*****

Five precious things in life: family, friends, health, work and spiritual life. Only work is made of rubber. The rest are made of glass. Don't drop any.

*****

physical beauty is most of the time, a blessing but at times, a curse. even so, be thankful to be gifted with such. do not forget, though, this beauty is temporary and age will claim it no matter what you do. if not age, the grave will. moreover, what it all boils down to is not physical attractiveness, but that sense of self-worth. that state that you hear yourself saying aloud: "it feels great to be me."

a struggling student no more

2006-03-22T22:08:00.001-08:00

finally..no more quizzes, projects, deadlines, internship, demanding teachers, tuition fee, lines at the financeoffice,enrollment torture..im free! albeit temporarily.. bye student life..it's time to go forth and party..then work, after..

and with an unfathomable grin, just say it for god's sake! - welcome to the real world!

yeah, like you can actually scare me..

pardon the incoherence, just random thoughts..

appreciating commitment

2006-03-08T19:06:00.000-08:00

another insight from sir bibal's pro-love comm. i don't believe in coincidence. i believe in answered prayers.it really does answer so many questions..

COMMITMENT is an OBLIGATION. It is a decision; an act of will. It is a pledge or a "moral binding force" that must be translated to action.

This can only be done by "mature" people with "character." To be committed means to mature. This calls from the person CONSISTENCY in purpose and action towards that purpose no matter what the situation is. Rain or shine the goal must be achieved. This person does not seek something temporary like pleasures but something more lasting.

Essential to commitment are VALUES and PRINCIPLES. WE need to become committed to those values. We cannot be committed to pleasures like sex or food since these are temporary and superficial. VALUES are eternal and requires "effort" and "time" before they can be realized. LOVE is a value which needs work and time. It cannot be hurried or disguised. LOVE IS AN OBLIGATION that must be done with so much effort.

Someone who is still growing up and has not included long term values in his or her LIFE PLANS cannot understand what commitment is. But Our ability to become committed to some THINGS when we were young is a training ground to become committed to PERSONS. Give a boy or girl a task that he or she can perform alone and with excellence and you have found a character who can later on be committed to a partnership.

OUR LIVING OF VALUES AND COMMITMENT however is not steady and easy. As historical and physically grounded persons, we can sometimes be weakened in our strength, by our doubts or confront difficult situations or be tempted by better persons as options that will challenge our values at the center of our source of meaning and relationships. These challenges and tests however cannot penetrate deep if the persons involved are rooted deeply in values and principles.

MARRIAGE before God means to allow the divine and supernatural power to penetrate deep into the human dimension since human effort alone is not enough to succeed in one's commitment. This marriage is beautiful as both surrender to the INTELLIGENCE and a shared responsibility of the partners. TRUST is essential here between partners as well as absolute trust in God.

friends with benefits

2006-03-05T18:50:00.000-08:00

the truth is, i find casual relationships confusing. a relationship with no commitment? isn't that a contradiction? you're together but not exclusively. you like each other 'romantically,' you get intimate but you're just friends. at face value, it's an instant solution to loneliness and an excuse from commitment-related responsibilities. it seems like a win-win relationship but it's not about love is it? love relationships are commitments are they not?

two people just want to know themselves more, so they get into casual relationships. 'definitive exploration' is the experts' jargon for that. it seems valid but in casual relationships, you run the risk of using each other. you just want to know yourself right? you care about the other person but you care about yourself more. it's about 'me' and not 'we,' about individuals and not couples. in this kind of relationship, investing emotionally would seem like a bad idea. it's uncertain.

i might be getting things mixed up here but it's really confusing. i don't mean to judge, just offering an insight. you see, my take on relationships have always been based on my beliefs about love. to me, there is more to love than romantic feelings. feelings are volatile stuff. they come and go at the slightest provocation. love is more stable and lasting than that. if love is just a feeling then relationships will never last. we get angry, annoyed evn envoius of the people we love at times. there are times that we just wnat to strangle them or have them cast away in a deserted island. sometimes we want to get away from them. all that are feelings but despite all of that, we hold on to our loved ones. we continue to love them even when we don't feel like loving them. love outweighs all the negative feelings we feel towards them. i not saying that feelings are irrelevant in love. feelings are essential too. but feelings are not the only things that matter in loving relationships. love entails a decision to continue loving even when we feel that our love is not returned in the way we want it returned. it's not just about 'me' it's about 'us.' it's a commitment where one extends himself and shares it to someone. love is making a promise and deciding to keep it through hardships.

easy but not helpful

2006-03-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

so many unpleasant things are happening. .(what an understatement!) political instability, graft and corruption, subtle repression of freedom and human rights, deterioration of morals.. all these and a host of other things make me sick, breeding pessimism, hopelessness, apathy and uncertainty in people, in social institutions and even in God. the worst is, these things enter too easily into my system, so hard to brush off..

it's so easy hate the world today, point fingers at people and structures, blame myself and even God. it's so easy to just ignore all that happening, to say: "yeah i know the world is sick but couldn't care less. i breathe and that's all that matters."

but turning a blind eye on these things is like taking a malignant cancer for granted. it's easy but it doesn't help. you're just allowing it to grow. and it kills you before you know it.

life is hard for everyone nowadays but i don't think i can just ignore these things. to me, now would be the perfect time to offer help and comfort, to show concern and care for people, storm heaven with prayers. some take it to the streets and get badly hurt and some can tend to the weary and offer affection. yes, life is difficult but it doesn't mean that love or heroism do not exist.

the easy way of apathy does not help at all. it never will be. if we only see what we like to see, then what were our eyes for?

*****

our mentors have told us over and over that new teachers are all too idealistic. and frustration is surely heading their way.

i say, what's so bad about idealism? with all due respect, we already realize that the world way far from ideal. we know, we live in it. but if it's idealism that makes one want to do good, to genuinely care and to truly serve by teaching, then what's wrong with it? okay,so frustration is heading our way. but avoiding pain and frustration won't help really. worst, it can stagnate us.

resurrected

2006-03-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

i'm back to this blogging business! i'm alert, alive and enthusiastic once again! i'm more alive than ever! intership's over and i have two full weeks before graduation day. it's the perfect time to reconnect with friends and some things set aside to give way to internship. i miss being a regular student, i have to say that. going to campus daily, wearing the university uniform, walking down the corridors of the campus, daydreaming by the benches near soccer field, all of that. for six full months, i was a student teacher: making lesson plans, making test, materials, checking papers, scolding students at the expense of my voice (haha), taking the teacher role to the most serious level i could handle.

it was incredibly tiring but it was all good; all worth going through.

now, i'm starting to look for work and make little wonders inside the classroom - for real.

wheeeeeeeeeeee!

2006-01-20T01:04:00.000-08:00

i have a new niece! so that explains the title..hekhek.. she was born two days before my first niece's first birthday. aint that cute? that reminds me, my birthday's on the 30th so that makes three pretty little girls in our family January babies! so kewl!

from my philosophy teacher

2006-01-20T00:31:00.000-08:00

WAS I IN HEAVEN OR HELL?

Reflections in my philosophy classes these past few days on DEATH gave me a "gift of insight" on the real issue concerning heaven or hell. We often wonder whether God will take us to heaven or to hell after death. We most probably think of ourselves as good people deserving heaven but with humility, senses that we failed also in so many ways, big or small, and hence can only ask God for grace and forgiveness to be admitted. If we were evil, we pray that God will forgive us anyway since He is a merciful father and then we will still be given permission to enter heaven after a shorter sentence in purgatory. In the other side, the choice can no longer be ours as humans but God's. Our final resting place is God's Choice alone.

The real issue for us humans, today and everyday, must rather be whether we live each day in the most "humanly and heavenly way" with the limitations of material nature and human freedom. The question is instead "Did I "live" heaven today?" "Did I behave in such a way that my life creates a heaven on earth because of the love that I share to the least, last and lowly?" "Are my intentions, choices, speech, work, thoughts consistent with spiritual values?" Or "do I choose ways that fits only animals and demons because my choices are selfish and materialistic?" "Do I curse even the already little good things, or give praises and exclamations of joy to testify to the abundance of little miracles and blessings that we often neglect?" Bigger miracles rarely happen and are a special privilege of those who were chosen as examples.

In the end, if we follow the road less traveled which is often thorny, rocky, windy, dusty, and stormy WE ARE ALREADY IN HEAVEN. The spirit is hidden perhaps behind the thick dark clouds to surprise us when the glory of its brightness is soon revealed. How beautiful!

The smooth and easy road of wealth without work, pleasures and extravagance without conscience, knowledge and degrees without character, business profit without ethical consideration for humans and nature, scientific and industrial development without humanity for the third (fourth and fifth) worlds, religion without sacrifice in oneself and for a neighbor, and politics without principles of justice and mercy – these darkens the soul and clouds its true lights from emerging to glory.

It is possible to create more traffic in the road less traveled. We can Pass Forward the idea and the motivation.

Live heaven everyday. If we do not, we have been dead long before we die; prayers may be too late. Good Work is a silent prayer everyday.

>> i really like this piece of insight so, i thought everybody deserves a chance upon this.

impulse

2006-01-11T01:59:00.000-08:00

type, type, type..

more typing..

type, type, period

backspace, backspace

type, type

long back space

( mush!)

type, type, type

some more typing..

type, type, period.

backspace, type

type, period.

.....

(crap!)

delete

sigh..

this is all your fault! where in the world are you?!

happy new year!

2006-01-03T00:16:00.000-08:00

cheers for the new year!

no 2006 resolutions for me! well, not yet. i don't really make my list on new year's day, i do it on my birthday..to be different and more meaningful. for me, that is..

by the way, my borthday's some time at the end of this month, i still got lots of time to make my list, it'll be ready for implementation by then..i hope! ;-)

all i really need to know i learned in kindergarten

2005-11-28T17:55:00.000-08:00

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.These are the things I learned:

Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder.

Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

>> robert fulghum

think of this

2005-11-02T16:50:00.000-08:00

"...if you ask other people's opinion, bother to listen to it."
- Confessions of a Shopaholic, sophie kinsella

'm still alive

2005-11-02T15:35:00.000-08:00

[INTERNSHIP MODE]

it's so fun to be a kid. it's so taxing to be a teacher.

the fantastic thing about working with kids is that it makes me feel young always (huge smile)

without compass

2005-10-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

pretty
lonely clouds,
red balloons
gone
astray.
strewn petals,
blown ashes
in the wind;
drifting.

boat without
sail,
voyaging through
lackluster Polaris.
like my love
unreturned;
like my heart
wandering

aimless.

wishful thinking on a rainy day

2005-09-04T15:36:00.000-07:00

it's raining like crazy. it's cold and i'm lonely and scared. scared of the thunder. you tell me not to be scared. you're around. i want to cuddle up to you and share the warmth of one blanket. like silly little kids. i want to put my arms around you and have your head upon my shoulder. like lovers enjoying a fresh love. i want to squeeze your hand and kiss your forehead. and make out in between gulps of steaming coffee. i just want to hold you until the rain stops. until the thunder and klightning go away. until a pretty rainbow shows up.

then i can wish for the skies to open and rain once more. so i can hold you close and warm just like now.

10 minute recycled poetry

2005-09-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

twin

yuor calm face
creeps into my mind,
as you draw near,
without a sound;
without noise,
you whisper,
soft and resonant,
into my soul.
my heart hearkens
to your call.
the space is too much
to endure.
you are the twin
of myself,
the one who compels me
to brave tempests
and gales.
in the end, to you i run,
home, at last i am!

pilgrim's theme

2005-08-31T15:05:00.000-07:00

by bukas palad

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tired of doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things
Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day - what's new
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things

I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take, who will be my guide
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things
The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I left behind
Should I even be surprised that You're with me in disguise
For it's Your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things

For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things

Why don't we follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In the greater scheme of things

the One

2005-08-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

i endured
to keep quiet
difficult
taxing
the series
of losing
and finding
myself
in the maze
of my own creation

in the silence
i heard
the voice
of One
who chooses
to love me
in silence
in poverty
in weakness

i harkened to Him

it was
breaking through
breaking free
of my chains
of my prison
all self-ordained

uncluttered

2005-08-28T16:45:00.000-07:00

uncluttered. that's the best thing that my recently conluded two-day retreat did to me. the retreat experience was coming to terms with myself. it was a welcome pause from all the hassles of my student life. the required silence and detachment from my prized possessions (e.g. cellphone, friends) were difficult to bear at first. breaking free from the world's noise was relatively easy. it was clearing the noise inside myself that demanded herculean effort. i an't escape myself now, can i? in keeping quite and taking a pause, i put my life into focus; magnified it. i sorted through the varied things i found in it- the pretty shining useless trinkets of my vanity and the rainbow bright masks i used to feign both sadness and joy. in the bottom of the pile that is my life are my hopes and dreams and all the other good things that were taken for granted for some time. i sorted through all that stuff and segregated those that made sense and those that didn't anymore. those that were truly important and those that weren't anymore. those that i couldn't live without and those i can throw out. it was a 'general cleaning' of sorts. it was clearing all the grime and cobwebs of my life. it was breaking free. at the end, i've come uncluttered.

glad to be back!

2005-08-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

midterms are finally over! (yeah!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!)

i'm giddy to be resurrected from all the books, notes and everything else that buried me!

blogging low

2005-08-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

[MIDTERMS MODE]

won't be very active these days. blogger currently being buried with books

borrowing depeche mode

2005-07-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be pervertedS
he’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detestI will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it

once again you borrow words. it's exactly what i feel and they say it better, they have to forgive me. that's what you say. they just have to. even if they don't, you'll do it anyway. i'll forgive you. 'cause i can be that somebody..

today

2005-07-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

community immersion report
due: three weeks from today

critical paper on emily bronte's wuthering heights
due: two weeks from today

multigrade teaching sample syllabus
due: a week from today

compilation of all shakespearean plays
due: two days from today

dramatic monologue for odyssey's penelope
due: today

today. don't wanna think about today.
wanna think of yesterday. last night.
that text mesage you sent.
had me smiling. had me dreaming.
slept really well. feeeling really good.
im gonna take on the world.
with a smile.

t h a n k y o u !

snapshot

2005-07-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

enjoying the super clear waters of mantigue island in camiguin!

feel good book

2005-07-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

just finished reading 'The Twelfth Angel' by Og Mandino. the book drove me to tears. rather unusual because movies dont even make me cry and now a book had me blowing my nose. call me sappy or whatever but the book is really good. it pulled my heartstrings.. if you're feeling really low, read the book and get positive energy into your system. the magic of twelfth angel' is that it has its reader feeling better and positive upon finishing it. i highly recommend it..

og mandino had me mumbling,

"Day by day, in every way, I'm getting better and better".

over and over again..

the day you said goodnight

2005-07-03T20:45:00.000-07:00

Take me as you are
Push me off the road
The sadness I need this time to be with you
I’m freezing in the sun
I’m burning in the rain
The silence I’m screaming
Calling out your name

And I do
Reside in your light
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you lose the side of your circles
That’s what I’ll do if we say goodbye

To be is all I got to be
And all that I see
And all that I need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight

The calmness in your face
That I see through the night
The warmth of your light is pressing unto us
You didn’t ask me why
I never would have known
Oblivion is falling down

If you could only know me
Like your prayers at night
then everything between you and me will be alright

She’s already taken
She’s already taken
She’s already taken me
The day you said goodnight

keepin' it cute

2005-06-28T18:40:00.000-07:00

im keeping this posting short today. sweet? could be if you like to take it that way. unlikely though. but profound would be the better word. just something to think about..

'We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey'.
- Teilhard de Chardin

old and new

2005-06-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

why is it so difficult to move on?

apparently, we all like things that are new. new things are such a marvel to us.

but why do we often choose to live in the past tense? we nurse old wounds again and again. we refuse to let it heal so we can finally let go of the hurt and move onwards. we can't seem to loosen our grip on our hang ups and insecurities. and as defense mechanism, we act as if we feel finer than fine. we like things new but we choose to see the old things that are reminiscent of ancient pains. we are making ourselves older ahead of time, by choice.

i should have

2005-06-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

i was following your steps, chasing you, careful not to lose you in the multitude of human noise and shadows..

i was close behind, my feet were tired and sore but my desire to follow you was overwhelming, even to myself.. your distant form was my compass, as long as you are in sight i was sure where i was headed.. i had direction because you were there..

i was close behind, waiting, waiting for you to turn and spare me a glance, to bless me with a quick glimpse from your soulful eyes..

i was hoping, i really was, desperately..

but you didn't, you walked straight away and faded..

and my heart was washed with sadness.. and regret..

i should have called out to you.. maybe you would've turned..

i should have..

diamonds

2005-06-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

don't take for granted the persons dear to you. you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond because you were too busy collecting stones..

people are diamonds. beautiful, special, precious. it doesn't matter where a diamond may be put, its value never diminishes nor fades. a diamond remains a diamond even when it is covered with so much mud or even when it placed in the dumps or even in the sewer. an individual's dignity is like that. it remains in a person no matter where you put him. he may be stripped naked of all possessions but his dignity remains intact and that must be respected at all times. a diamond, no matter how flawed, remains a diamond. would you rather be a perfect brick and not a flawed diamond? just as diamonds are polished through fire and brimstone to show its brilliance, people are molded by pains and sufferings..

thoughts on a busy day

2005-06-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

i need to remind myself that i am not the general manager of the universe!

there are some things, a lot of things actually, that i just can't control.

i got to stop feeling guilty and frustrated about everything that goes wrong. i got to focus more on the brighter side of things.

every bad thing is a good thing twisted.

at least, that's what one girl in school said.

an unborn baby's letter to mommy

2005-06-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Mommy,

I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.
He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken.
I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what has happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.
I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping.
Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I heard Daddy yelling back.
I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.
I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day.
I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most horrible thing happened.
A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,
"Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me."
Complete terror is all I felt.
I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off.
It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.
It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop.
I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.
Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.
I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away.
I had so many plans to make you happy.
Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.
Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.
I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful death.
I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.
I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand.
And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.
I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.
I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.
The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap.
He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered, "Abortion.
I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is;
I guess that's the name of the monster.

I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl.
I tried very hard to live.
I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful.
It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live.
I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.
I didn't want to die.

Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did.

Please be careful.

Love,
Your Baby Girl

proactivity creed

2005-06-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

I believe in myself. I am unique. I am happy being “me.” There has never been or will never be anyone like me. My life has a special purpose. I am a special value because I am a person. My value increases with new learning, relationship, setback, and achievement.
It is my birthright to be healthy, wealthy, successful and happy. I enjoy living.
I believe in my capacity to choose, to feel, to sense, to learn, to think, to love, to speak, to act, and to work for a meaningful purpose. I give time for worthy causes. I take control of my feelings, imagination, will, self-awareness and conscience in order to build lasting and meaningful human relationships as well as achieve noble purposes.
I keep and cherish only beautiful memories. I learn from mistakes. I enjoy minute internal vacations and stay calm in the midst of problems. I count all blessings received from God, nature, and others to keep my spirits high. When I feel low, I remember these words: “I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street I met a man who had no feet.”
I believe in my ability to release, to inspire, or to unfold the unfinished potential in others. I transfer my enthusiasm to others. I smile and spread gladness. I laugh a lot. I give a kind word. I touch with affection. I appreciate little things and little acts received from others. I give credit and honor to others. I share victories.
I am responsible. I am free. I take all the credit and the blame for everything that is happening in my life. My nature is to act; not to be acted upon.
I treat work, study, and books to read, as stepping stones or rung of the ladder to success, more love, greater service and happiness. They’re not loads that weigh me down but the road for becoming more.
I look at problems as opportunities to increase my potentials and to deepen my relationships. I turn limitations into strength. My desire for the rewards of success is stronger than the penalties of failure. I remain courageous despite of my fears. I pray for strength and guidance. I hope for the very best in every challenge.
I focus and direct my energy on my area of influence when dealing with problems. I seek solutions to conditions I can control instead of worrying about concerns beyond my influence. I internalize and visualize my goals. I maintain and increase my faith in myself by reading daily my mission statements.
I am a steward of nature. I dwell in order to raise nature and all its creatures to the level of the eternal. I believe that things have special meaning in their role to increasing life for all humans and all creatures. I encourage others to affirm and commit to a synergistic relationship with all living things in the world. I feel affirmed by God in His world.
I believe that everyone I met is a person with dignity, freedom, conscience, will and imagination. Persons are gifts to me. I value their presence and contribution to my life and to the world. I help them grow. I express gratitude even in their passing and recall only the blessings received from and through them.
I believe in others. I believe in their capacity to be good, to choose what is right for themselves. I respect their feelings. I recognize, appreciate and respect our differences. I compliment their strengths. I reinforce their weaknesses.
I believe in the deep and lasting happiness that comes from creative endeavors and effort that allows everyone I love and serve the condition for spiritual growth. I can make and keep commitments. I am respectful even when angry. I am patient. I suffer joyfully in being wounded in the understanding of my limits yet bleed willingly because of love or friendship. I am kind. I accept the values that others place on what they say. I honor expectations. I am loyal to love ones by defending them even in their absence. I apologize for my mistakes. I share my spiritual presence. I give unconditionally and steadily.
My purpose is to love; to be loved is a gift I gladly received from others. I listen intently to others in order to understand them better than they probably can understand themselves. I seek first to understand before being understood. I believe that others will be willing to help me only if I am willing to make them grow. I am fair and honest in my dealings. I demand of others only what I can do myself. I give others only the best in me.
I delegate authority and power in order to produce more and quality results or services. I trust and respect their unique response to their own challenges.
I lovingly engage in confrontation in order to solve problems. I fight fairly. I focus on solutions to problems while always respecting the integrity of the other person. I aim for a double-win. I courageously and considerately point to problems in our behavior with confidence in our abundant ability to become better. I choose happiness instead of righteousness. I humbly adjust my position in order to extend my being to others. I evaluate and judge everything based on principles. I respond with a “no deal” to irreconcilable or non-universalized interests. Persons, relationships, and principles are not compromised; only things, schedules or events can be compromised.
I believe in the power of forgiveness to heal and renew human relationships. I accept the limitations in my person as well as in others. My failures humble me. My tears cleanse and heal me. I strive to be whole instead of being perfect. I can become better despite of my past.
I live with courage. I welcome risks. I open new opportunities to increase my subjectivity, the subjectivity of others and the well-being of nature.
-- JAV BIBAL 5/25/05

who am i?

2005-05-31T18:50:00.000-07:00

You are a water girl. You are flexible and very
nice. You are quiet so people who don't know
you think you are weird or just mean and high
and mighty like. You aren't though. You like
to have a good time and you also just like to
relax and just enjoy the stars.

lesson recently learned

2005-05-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

be kind to unkind people. they need kindness the most.

im no honest to goodness saint but i found this really works. it is very difficult to do this especially when you've been the subject of people's unkindness. but things are only difficult when we insist they are. doing this, you run the risk of being rejected by the person you're trying to reach out but when the person does that, he's the one who loses. not you.

tips on how to love

2005-05-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

i watched y speak last night. their topic was on who should give more love in a relationship, guys or girls? the average person on the street asked with the same question would probably say that it should be both - guys and girls should love in equal amounts because a relationship is a give-and-take matter. it's not good to keep score in a relationship. besides, love cannot be really measured.

anyway, the debate turned out to be heated one.

what struck me in the show were the things said in the few minutes towards the end. i don't recall exactly who said this, i believe it was ryan agoncillo, that you don't enter a relationship to be needy. you get into a relationship not to seek love from another person but to give your love to that person. loving is giving and vice versa.

ryan's final statement was something like this:

for the guys: love your woman like she's 16, young and beautiful.

for the girls: love your man like he's a 7 year old. let him play with his toys, let him play with his boys and he'll always come back to mama.

i'm not sure if i totally agree with him but i think it could work..

a happy ai update

2005-05-21T12:13:00.000-07:00

bo bice made it to the finals!

yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!

hope he wins!

(lotsa fingers crossed!)

musings

2005-05-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

why can't we see stars by day?

'the day must give way to the night so we can see the beauty that lies hidden in the dark..'

you always had answers..

everytime you see me sitting in a corner, staring blankly at the wide open spaces, looking at the distant horizon, concealed in my own darkness..

do you know what to do?

you should..

if you don't..

what hope is there for me?

you are the saving light that that sets me free..

just to tickle your brains

2005-05-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

2 rules to success in life:

1. Don't tell people everything you know.

(i didn't get it right away too..)

speaking of God

2005-05-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

Language is our medium of communication. It is the vehicle by which we express our thoughts and ideas. Language reflects the way we think and how we organize our thoughts whether it be logical or otherwise. Religion deals with the belief in a supreme being who is powerful, infinite and all-knowing. We refer to this higher power as God. In daily discourse, we express our ideas on various subjects. We make statements about our experiences with other people and we also make statements about God.

It is generally difficult to speak of God primarily because God is a being that we cannot experience directly. God is a reality that lies beyond the bounds of human sense experience. We acknowledge the fact that we are finite beings, as opposed to God. Thus, we can only express our understanding of God through our own finite ways. We can only speak of God by way of the only language we have at our disposal. It is in making statements about God that the issue on the function of language emerges. When we speak of God, does language function differently? As mentioned, we speak of God through the only language we have at our disposal- the very same language we use to speak of our human experiences. We cannot help but apply human terms in referring to God who is non-human. However, it is rather obvious that ordinary everyday language is not used in an ordinary way in speaking of God. Usually, ordinary words are used to mean something else other than its literal meaning in religious matters. Such is the case of the Bible, readers of the Bible are often reminded not to interpret Biblical passages to literally or else its meaning will not be captured. Ordinary language is not to be interpreted literally in statements about God. In short, to speak of God is to use language that non-literal. If that is so, how can we determine the truthfulness of such statements about God? This question poses another issue on religious language. Non-literal language may not be sufficient in expressing truths about God but that does not necessarily mean that such language is meaningless or contains no truth at all. It could be that the person speaking of God in such manner presents truth in a form that we have not encountered before or it is another level of reality that is presented in the language.

God is so incomprehensible that even to speak of God is very difficult for us who are finite. Perhaps it is best to leave the things that we do not understand yet to faith.

something beautiful

2005-05-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

the first encounter

2005-05-16T12:40:00.001-07:00

april 11. monday.first day of class. time between 4-5:50 pm. science center 2. huge class.

sir p: (calls out my name) why do you need to study pol sci?
me: (startled) well, i think, being citizens of our country we need to know our constitution..
sir p: what's in the constitution that you need to know?
me: (think!) some basic laws and rights..
sir p: what rights...the right to remain silent? (smiles)
me: yes.. (smiled back, feeling juvenile and idiotic)
sir p: do you wish to invoke your right to remain silent in class?
me: i could if i want to.. (juvenile indeed!)
sir p: but you do know the consequences of invoking that right? no grade..
me: yeah.. (invoke the right, now!)
sir p: what are your other rights?
me: right to life..? (who's asking who?)
sir p: right to life.. does a fetus have a right to life?
me: yes.. (of course!)
sir p: why?
me: because it's a person..
sir p: is a fetus a person?
me: yes..
sir p: why?
me: i don't have a answer to that.. (expecting he'd stop asking)
sir p: do you know the seavo case?
me: yes but i don't the details of it.. (he's not leaving yet?)
sir p: why?
me: i don't watch the news lately..
sir p: how about newspapers, magazines?
me: (shakes head)
sir p: when was the last time you read a newspaper?
me: a month ago.. (i'm just being honest!)
sir p: what was the issue a month ago?
me: (huwaat!?) can we go back to the news?
sir p: ok, what issue?
me: there is this divorce bill passed in court..
sir p: what about it?
me: it was being pushed forth by this group of women..
sir p: do women have the right to divorce their husbands?
me: i don't know..
sir p: ok, let's meet other interesting people here.. (goes away)
me: ( gives out a big sigh of relief)

* what transpired that afternoon was just a taste of things to come..

on excerpts

2005-05-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

yup, that kid in high school was me..

and yeah, i still write stuff to survive boring classes..

excerpts

2005-05-10T17:35:00.000-07:00

* in high school, there was this kid who almost always end up writing all sorts of ideas on her notebook just to survive a horiffyingly boring class. her write-ups ranged from insanely gothic to icky sweet sacharrine stuff. below are excerpts of an untitled poem she wrote out of utter romantic hopelessness..

i find myself standing by the sea,
under a starry sky and an enchanted moon.
lost in a trance of great serenity,
thinking: he will arrive soon.

out of the shadows appears my love, my knight,
to do naught but sing me his sweet serenade.
and to dance with me in the moonlight,
to the tune of the sounding waves.

...
but at first light of sunrise,
my love departs and kisses me farewell.

he is just a dream, an illusion,
created by this lonely heart of mine.
...

but as absurd as it may seem to be,
i believe he is real out in the world somewhere.
in our secret paradise by the sea,
one day, my love will meet me there.

bedtime prayer

2005-05-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

every night, tara gene prays this way:

now as i lay me down to sleep,
i pray for a man who's not a creep.
one who's handsome, smart and strong,
he's not afraid to admit he is wrong.
one who thinks before he speaks,
when he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.
i pray that he is gainfully employed,
won't lose his cool when he's anoyed.
pulls out my chair and opens the door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind.
knows what to say when i ask,
"how fat is my behind?"
one who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'
he brings me a sandwich too when he goes to the kitchen.
i pray that this man will love me to no end,
and would never compare me with my best friend.
thank you in advance and now i'll just wait,
for i know You will send him before it's too late.
amen.

piece of advice

2005-05-09T12:50:00.000-07:00

don't be reckless with people's hearts. don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

- from 'wear sunscreen'

why is there evil?

2005-05-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

“God either cannot or will not prevent evil. If God cannot prevent evil, then God is limited in power. If God will not prevent evil, then God is limited in benevolence. But if God is not limited in power or benevolence, why is there evil in the world?”

What is evil? I personally define evil as anything that causes pain and suffering. Where in the world do these evils come from? I found that most of the evils I thought of trace their way to the free choices that people make. Evils that cause so much human suffering such as oppression, discrimination, violence and wars all began from a choice. A choice gave rise to all these evils and I think that a choice can also diminish it.

God endowed man with the gift of freedom. He also gave man reason to guide him in the use of his freedom. In what way and for what purpose that man will use his freedom, God respects. Even if man will use his freedom to draw himself farther away from God, God will continue to respect that choice. As Fr. Alfeo Nudas S.J. put it, "God gave us free will even if we will use that free will to slap the face of God." God is that good and He loves man that much. However, man is imperfect. Although he has reason to guide him, he still makes fallible choices. It’s just part of being human.

What about evils that do not trace their roots to human choice, where do these evils come from? Natural calamities like tsunamis, earthquakes as well as diseases and epidemics cause pain and suffering but are not rooted in human choices. How can all-loving God permit such pain and suffering? I think that God permits this kind of suffering, even though He can prevent it, for a purpose which is way beyond my comprehension. I can only infer of such purpose but I am not certain.

Thinking of evil, pain and suffering, I can’t help myself from thinking about Jesus Christ. He shares the divinity of God yet He allowed Himself to be subjected to the severest of pain. He could have avoided all that, as He is capable of anything, but He just accepted it. As a believer of Christ, I am encouraged to take on a similar attitude towards pain and suffering. I found that there is also good in pain. The beauty in pain is that it is directed towards a grand purpose. In the life of Jesus Christ, pain was part and parcel of the grand scheme of salvation. In human life, I infer that God permits pain to make us good people and to eventually make the free choice of reciprocating God’s love.

happy mothers' day!

2005-05-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

happy mothers' day, ma!

i love you.

positive

2005-05-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

there are just times in life when you're caught off-guard by sudden loneliness. you find yuorself alone and the cold wind of sadness blows straight through your body. chilling it, making it ache for warmth that can only be found in the arms of someone special. the only thing that saves you is the thought that someome cuold be thinking of you right at that moment. some special soul beyond your reach is aching for the same warmth your looking for..

think and exist

2005-05-07T18:08:00.000-07:00

Just because we can think of something does not prove that it exists.

A long time ago, an intelligent man named Leonardo da Vinci thought of people flying in the sky like birds do. He liked what he thought of; he liked the idea. He spent his time playing with the idea in his mind. He even made illustrations of the idea on paper. Years passed and da Vinci died without ever having to see people fly in the sky. It never happened in his lifetime.

Centuries after Leonardo da Vinci’s death, his seemingly wasted idea took form. People conquered the sky and flew like birds using metal contraptions called aircrafts. In fact, people did not explore only the sky but even the space beyond it. Da Vinci thought of people flying and they did fly. With the help of technology, his idea became reality, a reality which is already proven. With this illustration, it is safe to say that the existence of something can be proven by the event that it was thought of.

However, existence denotes a present occurrence. Something is said to exist when it is real at present time. Real refers to something that actually exist and not mere possibility. Something exists when it is real in “now” time. Da Vinci’s idea of people flying was not real and did not exist in his time. It was, instead, a possibility. The existence of people flying cannot be proven by the event that da Vinci thought of it. Today, on the other hand, a person flying (by means of aircrafts) is not mere possibility but a reality which we can prove. What is formerly non-existent now exists; it did not exist then but now it does.

What does this say? This says that not all things that we think of now are proven to exist just because we think of them. What we think of now could be possibilities of things yet to exist. The things we think of now may or may not exist in a not so distant future. This realization affirms that man is indeed God’s masterpiece. God has given him so many gifts that he can turn his possibilities into realities.

*whether this train of thought is correct or valid or what, tell me..

last song syndrome

2005-05-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

+ power of two +
indigo girls

now the parking lot is empty
everyone's gone someplace
i pick you up and in the trunk i've packed
a cooler and a 2-day suitcase
cause there's a place we like to drive
way out in the country
five miles out of the city limit we're singing
and your hand's upon my knee

so we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

you know the things that i am afraid of
i'm not afraid to tell
and if we ever leave a legacy
it's that we loved each other well
cause i've seen the shadows of so many people
trying on the treasures of youth
but a road that fancy and fast
ends in a fatal crash
and i'm glad we got off
to tell you the truth

cause we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

all the shiny little trinkets of temptation
(make new friends)
something new instead of something old
(but keep the old)
all you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
(but remember what is gold)
and it's fools gold
(what is gold)
fools gold
(what is gold)
fools gold

now we're talking about a difficult thing
and your eyes are getting wet
i took us for better and i took us for worse
don't you ever forget it
now the steel bars between me and a promise
suddenly bend with ease
the closer i'm bound in love to you
the closer i am to free

so we're okay
we're fine
baby i'm here to stop your crying
chase all the ghosts from your head
i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
smarter than the tricks played on your heart
we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

* it's been a while since i last heard this song. i just love it! one of my all time favorites.

another pissed ai update

2005-04-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

im so pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the moment that ive been dreading since the start of the competition finals has come..

constantine maroulis,the smoldering astonishing idol is out!

it was his first time to be in the bottom three and he was sent packing. and to keep who?
scott savol? what the hell?! constantine performed way better than him. it just wasn't constantine's time to go..

i only got one explanation for this: another stupid, dumb, moronic choice!

im just glad bo bice is still in the competition. go bo!

bye constantine! i'll definitely miss him. i pray he still makes it into the business and make honest music.. and show all of america how stupid and moronic their choice was when they cut him off.. he can do that for sure..

im a mermaid!

2005-04-26T13:20:00.000-07:00

You are a Mermaid, who sits on a rock in the sea, looking and watching all humanity with curiosity in your eyes. You have a two-sided personality! On one hand, you revel in your freedom and often prefer to live in your own private dreams.

On the other hand, humanity intrigues you and you love watching on. You are actually very kind at heart, hating to see people hurt and despise injustice! You probably have one or two special friends, who mean the world to you!

Also; you are probably quite political, wanting to see justice done in the world.

You are quite the dreamer, needing freedom and personal space to dream your little dreams. You love to escape into a book or some good music and just drift away.

Some of your good points are that you are sensitive, compassionate and a freethinker. Your bad points are that you may come across as cool and aloof to others and probably have a tendency to depression!

You are the ultimate dreamer with a kind, but troubled heart!

on philosophy of religion

2005-04-26T12:53:00.000-07:00

* my groupmates and i worked on this for philo 25, philosophy of religion.

why study philosophy of religion?

We admit that our knowledge as well as our understanding of the religion which we belong is not very deep. We cannot even articulate well the purpose of certain religious rituals which we perform so often. We attend Masses and services but the lack of full awareness about our faith still remains. We fear that should someone question our religious beliefs, we will not be able to defend it or explain it well due to our lack of understanding.

It is in this situation that we find ourselves in that studying Philosophy of Religion is very helpful and significant. Philosophy of Religion, as defined, is the careful analysis and critical evaluation of the philosophical implications of religion. We believe that studying Philosophy of Religion will help us acquire a deeper understanding of our faith. By learning to carefully examine our own religious beliefs and that of others, we will be able to make sound decisions regarding our religion. We also believe that the deeper understanding that we will acquire by studying Philosophy of Religion will help strengthen our faith. It will also make the way we worship and the way we perform the different religious rituals more meaningful. By studying Philosophy of religion, we will not only understand the purpose and the implications of the rituals and the way we worship but also do these things with greater sincerity.

In sum, we study Philosophy of Religion not because we happen to be studying in a Jesuit university and it is a requirement in our courses, but most importantly, to become better believers of our faith. By gaining greater awareness about our religion and that of others, we hope to become truly faithful.

blog announcement

2005-04-25T10:30:00.000-07:00

i now have a friendster blog!

the url is flicker.

drop by and find me there..

ai update!

2005-04-24T16:47:00.000-07:00

im so pissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anwar robinson's been cut off american idol! why!!!!!!!!!!

they booted him off to keep who? anthony?

bad choice. very bad choice. stupid choice.

summer blues..

2005-04-24T16:45:00.000-07:00

contrary to what i thought and hoped and so excited about the day i created this blog, i won't be blogging much this summer. my class sched is really working against me. wait, that's not it. i think my teachers are evil! not really.. they're just awfully and devastatingly demanding. whatever.. my only consolation for all my classes is the fact that i've met a lot of interesting people..and some cool guys as well.. they could help ease the my academic burden this summer.. they're in it too.. well, the summer heatwave is not doing any miracles with my teachers, but at least my classmates are quite a fun bunch.. that should suffice.. for now..

why earthlight?

2005-04-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

this is the poem that inspired the name of this blog.. i thought, if there are things such as sunlight and moonlight, there may be a thing called earthlight.. just me and my zany mind.. anyway, i like this poem a lot..

earthlight

"Let's

take a stroll

down

by the crater,"

said

the moon man

to the moon maiden.

"There's a beautiful

full earth

out tonight."

-paul engle

qoute me..

2005-04-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall" by Confucius.

Yes indeed, you see true strenght can only be seen when a person has "fallen". Only then one can tell how they will handle it. Just
don't make others fall so you can know who they really are. You on the other hand may be a very quick recoverer and don't let people bring you
down. You are your own, and you're find with that. Emotional issues is something you handle rather nicely.

a difficult summer

2005-04-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

the summer sunshine is all around and yet where do i find myself? in school! it's only the third day of the summer classes and my teachers have begun to drive me nuts.. this is going to be one hell of a summer for me, i suppose..

here are my subjects for the summer:

- Christian Morality
- Philosophy of Religion
- The Philippine Constitution

pretty heavy stuff, don't you think? just thinking of my subjects, i can't help myself from saying out loud: what in the world did i just get myself into?!

and it doesn't help a bit that my teachers are famous for either being class terrors or not very generous grade givers.. it doesnt help at all..

there's gotta be more..

2005-04-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

+ more to life +
+ stacie orrico +

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived

I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside

Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing

And why can't I let go

There's gotta be more to life...

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Cause the more that I'm...

Tripping out thinking there must be more to life

Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly

Here in this moment I'm half way out the door

Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

There's gotta be more to life...

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Cause the more that I'm...

Tripping out thinking there must be more to life

Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

than wanting more

Than waiting on something other than this

Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....

* in this world where a lot of people still believe that success is equal to amassing great wealth and hoarding material possessions, we find that such success does not in any way guarantee happiness. even when we own everything that we could ever want, we still feel that something remains missing. and unless we find that, we will not be complete. we live life jumping from one source of happiness to another and find the satisfaction fleeting.. we thirst for something more stable and permanent. then we stop and ponder that there's gotta be more to life than this...

rockers rule american idol?!

2005-04-04T13:32:00.000-07:00

anyone who cares about american idol definitely has noticed this: rockes are ruling the pop music dominated competition! rockers constantine maroulis (love him!) and bo bice are top favorites of the american audience who makes the tough decision of chosing who stays and who goes in the contest. another thing, the audience do seem to be agreeing with the ever so "kind" simon cowell as the competition continues to heat up! as for me, i think the audience has made the right choice of making the rockers rule. why? well, constantine and bo's showmanship is just good. damn good! not to mention thier unpredictable choice of songs: risky but never boring. talk about heating up the stage! even if the time comes that they will be eliminated, they will never be easily forgotten! i won't! i just love 'em!

needless to say, RoCkeRs RULE!!!!!!!!!

the simplest words one can say

2005-04-04T02:11:00.000-07:00

+ love song for a saviour +
+ jars of clay +

In open fields of wild flowers
She breathes the air flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter
Or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat
Or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust him
And learn how to see him
Someday he'll call her
And she will come running
Fall in his arms, the tears will fall down
And she'll pray

I want to fall in love with you

Sitting silent wearing sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it
Goes to the people who stare into nowhere
Can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter
Or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat
Or a song on her lips
Someday we'll trust him
And learn how to see him
Someday he'll call us
And we will come running
Fall in his arms
The tears will fall down and we'll pray

I want to fall in love with you

Seems to easy to call you savior
Not close enough to call you a god
So as I sit and think of
Words I can mention to show my devotion

I want to fall in love with you

i am a spirit

2005-04-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

You are the Spirit of Love. You think around romance and are extremely compassionate.
Whenever you want something you can get it due to your fiery passion. You can make friends
quite easily, because peopole are attracted to your obvious good nature. You will have no
trouble in finding a life partner and will be very happy.

my sign of affection

2005-04-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

my element

2005-04-02T16:02:00.000-08:00

Your element is Water: Understanding, intelligent, quiet and calm. You know who you are and no one can change that. Usually quiet but only because your listening, don't let anyone think you haven't got an opinion! Your not quiet because your shy or sad, your usually quiet because your thinking. Your answers are well planned and helpful so people generally seek your advice. Your the perfect balance between solitary and outgoing. But sometimes you need a little time to yourself to sort out your emotions and figure things out. You understand the phrase 'sticks and stone' and rarely let things get to you, whats that important for you to have to get so upset over? You know what you want out of life but are simply taking your time and enjoying things. To you your life is fine as it is, you can always change things later if your not happy.

words i live by

2005-04-02T15:57:00.000-08:00

desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

heLLo woRLd!

2005-04-02T15:45:00.000-08:00

welcome to my little corner in the universe!

i've always wanted a blog but i never had time with all the things that i do..

now that Time is on my side, allow me to give you a piece of my mind..

this is my world..